Previously: “My House Has Rules.”
This week, something a little lighter: “How To Cook A Soft-Boiled Egg,” a delightful little parody of the ritual pastas we all know and love. Uploaded to the Creepypasta Wikia by Essjay Reese in May of 2019, “How To Cook A Soft-Boiled Egg” is also quite a recent story, all things considered — but then again, I’d argue that given its subject matter, it arrived at just the right time. You can’t parody something until it’s established enough to have recognizable rules and conventions to rib.
[Like what you read? Check out Dangerous Games To Play In The Dark, available from Chronicle Books now!]
In any event, enjoy this one. It’s short, not so sweet, and very funny.
You will need:
2 eggs
2 egg cups
Water
A potato peeler
Your oldest book
The Towel
Bread for toast (recommended)
Cook Time: 5-25 minutes
Step 1: Remember that you don’t have any eggs.
Step 2: Go to the corner bodega to get some eggs. You will want to stop at Old Man Hummock’s Home Goods Store, but don’t do that.
Step 3: Remember that you don’t have any money.
Step 4: Wait for Yan to start ringing up Laney McBride’s lottery tickets.
Step 5: Go to the back of the bodega where the off-brand Cheetos are on display and knock a jar of salsa onto the floor. This will cause the sleeping cat to run outside, which is essential, because the cat knows you’re here.
Step 6: Steal the eggs, preferably Eggland’s Best Land O’ Lakes Large White, but any will do.
Step 7: Snag a loaf of bread on your way out, because you will think you have some, but you want to be sure.
Step 8: Return to your kitchen. Don’t even THINK about looking at Old Man Hummock’s Home Goods Store.
***
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[Image via CraftyPease/Pixabay]
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