Previously: “Anansi’s Goatman Story.”
“1999,” also known as “Mr. Bear’s Cellar,” is part of one of the biggest subgenres of the “let’s fuck up everyone’s childhood”-type creepypastas are the ones that focus on children’s television. A lot of these stories describe lost episodes of well-known shows like Spongebob Squarepants (“Squidward’s Suicide”), weird cartoon shorts starring characters like Mickey Mouse (“Suicide Mouse”), and so on — but I would argue the more effective tales are the ones about shows that didn’t actually exist… or did they?
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“1999” is a long read, but stick with it—it’s worth it. Just, y’know… don’t try to hunt down channel 21 yourself. Especially if you happen to live around Ontario.
“The year is nineteen-ninety-nine.”
That sentence brings me back to my senior kindergarten class when I was five years old, where we used to read out the date on the blackboard every single day. The year 1999 exists as a stain in mind however, as a memory that will not go away no matter how I try to forget it. 1999 marked the year I lost my first tooth, my first time on a plane, and unfortunately the early loss of my childhood innocence.
That one memory that refuses to be wiped, it all started with that new (or old) TV. At that time Pokémon was the latest fad to hit the school. Pokémon cards, games, stickers, and the most popular, the TV show. So of course every time I came home from school, I would stay glued to the TV until Pokémon came on at five. The only problem was that my dad watched the news at 5:30, and Pokémon episodes were back-to-back, which meant I had to miss an episode everyday, something I whined on and on about. My dad got tired of hearing me complain everyday, that must be why he went and bought another TV.
My dad put the TV he bought in my room, unfortunately it was just an old, small boob tube, with rabbit ears even. It also only had 20 channels available; not including the channel Pokémon was on. I recall I didn’t care though, I was just thrilled I had my own TV in my room. After surfing through the channels, I came to the conclusion that only channel 2 (TVO kids) was worth watching so I watched that for a while. It wasn’t for another few months until I discovered channel 21. One day in April, I was flipping through the channels, trying to see if Pokémon was on. I pressed channel 21 into the remote, hoping there were more channels, and to my delight there was. My dad was surprised too, but he let me watch it because it seemed to have kids programs on. The channel was called Caledon Local 21, and later I found out it was indeed broadcast from the town of Caledon, Ontario, a town very close to my city.
The shows I saw on Caledon Local 21 looked poorly made, and I never understood what was going on in them half the time. However as I grew up, every time I thought of that channel, I realized more and more how messed up the shows were and I had to ask myself “What the fuck was I watching?”
The following is a list of shows and episodes I remember seeing on Caledon Local 21, how I remember such detail even disturbs me, but I guess things like this stands out in your mind for a while.